Almost awake
by fixusi
Summary: I'm laying on the cold, hard rocks on the ground, snow and cold breeze making me shiver. I don't know how long it has been. Minutes, hours... but it doesn't matter. Because I'm going to die in here, no matter what. Hurt/Limp!Sam, Limp/Worried/Bigbrother!Dean. Set in season one.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright. This is a bit angsty, but deal with it! And I wasn't sure where to end it, I was planning to write what happens if/when Dean wakes up, but I ended up ending it there. So please review and tell me what should I do, should I add a sequel or not?**

It's snowing.

I'm laying on the cold, hard rocks on the ground, snow and cold breeze making me shiver.

I don't know how long it has been. Minutes, hours... but it doesn't matter.

Because I'm going to die in here, no matter what.

The fall broke my phone. And Dean isn't waking up.

* * *

_"Why does ghosts always live in forests? It sucks", Dean muttered.  
"It does", I agreed smiling a bit.  
"It's cold, wet and darker than in city, and dark.. well, it's never good."  
"I know, Dean", I laughed. _

_Dean lifted his gaze up to look at me.  
"You alright? You have been quiet."_

_I snorted. Dean was always worrying about me._

_"I am fine, Dean. How many times I have to tell that to you before you really get it?"  
"Don't lie to me, I can see when you're not fine."_

_I sighed. Dean was right, I wasn't fine. But I surely as hell wasn't going to complain about my own problems. I had always dealt with them alone, I could to it now too._

_"Lets talk about it later. Just focus on the ghost now, I don't want to get killed by it if it jumps us."_

_Dean looks at me in annoy but nods.  
"Alright. Later."_

_Dean always worried about me, but now he was right. I was not fine. I was still dreaming about Jess, dreaming about her death. Hearing her scream and beg the thing killing her to stop._

_I wasn't sleeping well, I wasn't eating much and as Dean told, I didn't speak. I just tried to forget the pain inside me, pain which was tearing me apart from the inside. _

_"Sam", Dean said and stopped. "I heard something."  
"What? Where did it come from?"_

_Dean shook his head a little.  
"I'm not sure. Like... everywhere."  
"Alright.. not strange at all."  
"Nope. Just keep your eyes open. It's grave is not far anymore. When we get to there, we can kill the bastard and leave."_

_I nodded.  
"Sounds like a plan."_

* * *

I can see Dean laying few meters from me. He has moved a little, shifted his position.

But that was like twenty minutes ago.

I can't get up to check on him. My legs would give up under me.

-If I got that far. I don't even know my injuries. My legs could be broken. They probably were. I can't feel them.

I know I'm bleeding from somewhere. I see black dots dancing in front of my eyes.

Maybe I hit my head.. it feels so light.

It takes so much energy to keep my eyes open. Slowly I let them fall shut.

* * *

_We walked forwards, listening carefully. No more sounds came around us for a minute._

_But then. __A scream._

_It was a creepy scream, no human could scream like it.  
_

_It had to be our ghost.  
_

_"Keep your eyes open. Don't let it jump us", Dean told me.  
"Yeah, yeah."  
"I mean it."  
"And I mean it too! I'm not stupid!" _

_Dean lifted his hands up.  
"Alright, geez, Sammy. Calm down."_

_I sighed. _

_"Sorry, I just-" my sentence was cut off by a loud scream. I spun around, hearing it came behind us.  
"It's there", I yelled at Dean. He turned around too and raised his shogun.  
"Bye, ghost", Dean muttered, shooting the ghost. It disappeared with a shriek. _

_"Let's get moving", Dean said and we started walking again._

_After few minutes we saw the grave. It was marked with a wooden cross and a bush of roses. Well, the roses were dead but the bush was still there.  
_

_"Alright, let's get that fucker burned up", Dean said grinning a bit. I nodded sighing.  
"Sounds great to me."_

* * *

__I know I am dying, but I'm not sure when. I feel as good as I possibly can in this situation. I feel nothing, and I'm glad. Pain would make everything harder.

My eyes are closed, and I just focus on breathing. Maybe Dean wakes up and rescues us. I don't know.

I doubt.

Dean hit his head pretty hard. And he is bleeding. I don't know if he is still..

Don't think about it. Don't.

Because Dean has to be okay. He always is. He can't die- not now. Not like this.

He is only 26, for God's sake.

And then realize it.

What if I feel nothing because I'm not so hurt? Yeah, my head hurts, but I hit it. Obviously.

I have to try. I can't just lay here anymore, I have to try.

Because Dean isn't waking up.

And I have to tell him something.

* * *

_Dean dug first, then me. When other one was digging, the other one was keeping light and looking for the ghost. _

_It hadn't showed up again. It was a good thing._

_"Alright, your turn", Dean told me and threw his shovel to me. I nodded, jumping to the whole Dean already made.  
"You take the light", I said and gave the lamp to Dean. He grinned and nodded.  
"Sure. Just dig fast. The ghost can appear every second now."_

_Silence fell as I dug._

_"Sam?"  
"Yeah..?"  
"I know you are not alright. Not fine. I know you don't sleep."  
_

_I sighed.  
_

_"Dean-"  
"Don't. If you say you're okay, I swear I will kick your ass. Because I know you're not."_

_I didn't answer, so Dean kept going. It was like he had already decided I would talk to him tonight.  
_

_"It's about Jess, isn't it?" A beat of silence. "I don't blame you. I've never been in love like that and lost her, but I know it must be awful. No, no, not just awful. Worse."_

_I sighed again.  
_

_"You're right."  
"About what?"  
"It's worse."_

_Dean nodded. I leaned to the shovel, a little bit out of breath.  
"Like I said, I don't know. But it must be... killing you. And it is, Sammy. It is killing you. You don't eat, sleep or talk to me anymore. Share your burden a little bit, okay?"_

_I shook my head.  
"When I was in Stanford, I learned that if you want to deal with things, you deal with them alone. Because if I tried to tell something to someone else but Jess, they just laughed and said something meaningless. I can deal with it alone, Dean. Thanks anyways."_

_"But Jess listened, right?"  
"Yeah. She did. And now she's dead, all because of me. I should have known.."  
"Quit it, Sam! It was not your fault! Non of this is! Just suck it up, if you want to blame something, blame that thing. It had nothing to do with you, alright?"_

_Before I could answer we heard the too-familiar scream. Dean spun around, hearing it came behind him. I felt an invisible power lift me up, and just before I was sent to a tree with my face first, I yelled Dean. _

_"Sammy!" was the last thing I heard before I hit the tree, hitting my head to it and falling to the ground conscious. _

* * *

__I open my eyes. I want to get to Dean. I have to get to Dean.

I moan and lift my head up a bit. It is a struggle, but I manage to get myself sitting. I see my legs.

Shit.

My other ankle is limp and I can't get it moving. My jeans are covered in blood on that area.  
"Shit", I mutter under my breath.

I lay my hand on my ankle, trying to get better picture of it. But instantly a white pain shoots through my body, and I pull my hand away.

At least I can feel again.

* * *

_I woke up only to see Dean above me.  
_"_Hey, Sammy, you alright?"_

_I blinked once, trying to remember what happened._

_"Are you alright?" Dean asks again, worry now shining through his voice. _

_I nodded.  
"I think so."  
"Good, we have to dig his grave open before he comes here again."  
"Okay... just gimme a minute."_

_Dean nodded, getting up and starting to dig again. _

_I looked around me realizing I laid my back against a tree. That same tree I was thrown at._

_Moaning I got up and went to help Dean._

_We got the grave open in no time, but when I started to pour salt on it... the ghost appeared again. With just a movement of hand it sent Dean flying to the ground, knocking the wind out of him._

_"Dean!" I yelled, backing off, realizing he had had the gun. I had nothing but a shovel in my hands._

_It snapped it's fingers and I was in the air again. I saw Dean shaking his head, trying to clear his vision or something.  
"Sam!" he yelled seeing me fly through the air. _

_I felt a falling sensation when the ghost released me from it's grip. I fell for a few seconds, maybe four to five meters. Then I felt my body hitting the ground, and everything hurt for a minute. Then... black. _

* * *

__Alright. I have to try again.

I place my hands on the cold ground trying to lift myself up.

My ankle hurts like hell, and doesn't really help moving. But at least I know I've hurt it. Now I know to be careful with it.

I bite my lip and push myself up, taking support from the nearby tree.

I feel my ribs. They hurt, and I think I have broken few of them, at least one. It would be not a surprise, when you think about how I fell.

I hiss when my hurting ankle takes too much weight, and I quickly lift it up.

"Dean", I moan, trying to get him wake up.

I realize I can't do it. Not with my ankle.

"Dean.. Please wake up."

* * *

_"Sam!" __I heard familiar voice. It felt to far away._

_"Sammy?" Dean. Why was he so far? Why wasn't he next to me?_

_I didn't know, but I knew I had to open my eyes. Slowly I opened them, black dots dancing in my vision._

_I saw Dean. He was standing twenty meters away from me, shotgun in his hands. I blinked, trying to get the dots disappear._

_"Sammy, you alright?"_

_Why wasn't he coming to me? I needed him. I was hurt. I could barely keep my eyes open._

_And then I saw it. Just a slight movement behind Dean. _

_He missed it, but I didn't. _

_"D'n", tried to yell, but my voice was harsh and quiet.  
"De'n!" _

_He didn't get it._

_The figure behind my big brother was a ghost. Another. It wasn't the one we were hunting -this one was woman. It opened it's mouth and screamed, and Dean spun around just to see a ghost grabbing him and sending him flying towards me. He landed hard about ten meters from me and hit his head._

_Dean cried out of pain, but quickly recovered and started to look around him for another body._

_And there it was._

_Just a few meters away from him lay a body of a woman with gray hair and empty eyes. Her corpse looked like it had been here long time. _

_"Sam, stay awake", Dean quickly told me before he threw a lighter at the body, flaming it up. Dean had to know I was almost out._

_Before the ghost disappeared, it suddenly appeared in front of Dean, throwing him backwards. I saw Dean hitting his head again, and passing out._

_The ghost disappeared with a loud scream. I closed my eyes when flames ate the ghost away, leaving nothing but silence._

* * *

__So here I am. Trying to move forward, failing.

Gosh. This is useless.

But I have to try. Even though I can't do it. I will fall without something to hold on.

I sigh. Maybe I should try to call Dean. Maybe he'll wake up.

"De'n", I try, my throat still dry. I cough and try again. "Dean."

Nothing. Just a silence. I would do anything to hear Dean talking to me, I want to hear his voice.

I need to tell him I'm okay, that I would tell him everything about my feelings if he would just wake up.

"Dean, please. Wake up. I need you here", I beg, carefully watching him and trying to find if he's hurt badly. I find nothing, and I sigh in relief. Maybe he is just knocked out. He has to be 'just knocked out'. I see his chest rising and falling.

"Dean, come on. You said I was the one dying. You have to wake up, man."

Dean shivers, and shifts a bit, but doesn't open his eyes.

"Come on, Dean. You can do this, I need to see your eyes. I promise I'll behave, I'll tell you everything. You have to help me out here."

Few minutes passes. Dean doesn't move anymore. The little twinkle of hope inside me is gone.

I sank on my knees, snow falling on me and my surroundings. I let my back fall down, and before I even know it, I am laying again on the cold ground.

I feel one, single tear falling on my cheek. I let it fall. I just don't care anymore.

I let my eyes fall shut once again, not caring if Dean is ever going to wake up or not.

Moments pass. I weakly open my eyes and look at Dean one last time. I sink my finger to the snow, and write one word. Smiling I close my eyes the very last time, and I am engulfed by the everlasting darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**And here you go, sequel! As I promised. Reviews are love ! I own nothing.**

****Pain.

Hot, white pain. I think it comes from my head.

Gosh... what happened?

I moan. My head feels light. I can feel blood on my face. Did I hit my head? Why?

I try to open my eyes, but I fail. It's not a surprise, though. I've hit my head before. Opening your eyes after a concussion... well, it's never easy.

I'm starting to remember. Hunt, ghost, forest... Sam hitting his head twice, his clearly broken ankle...

Sam. Is he okay?

I have to open my eyes. I have to make sure that Sam is alright.

I try to open my eyes again, but I fail. _Again_. I bite my lip. I have to do this.

I sigh when I fail again. I can't understand why my eyes refuse to open up. Sam needs me.

But what if Sam can hold on for a moment, maybe he is alright and is just waiting for me to wake up. Maybe he is not in danger, so why this hurry? I'm going to take it easy.

I relax. I feel snow on me, is it snowing? Feels like it.

I shiver. I'm beginning to feel the cold around me.

How long was I out? I just hope Sam was clever and left, maybe to get help. Because it's so quiet that Sam can't be here.

But what if he _is _here, hurt and waiting for me to wake up.

Or...

Don't think about it. Don't. Sam has to be alright. He always is.

I'm his big brother. I was supposed to take care of him, and now I'm failing it. I'm just laying here like a wounded puppy.

I let Sam down. If he is really hurt...

No, no, no. He can't be.

But what if he is?

_Come on Dean, you can do this._

I force my eyes open. It takes a moment, but I manage to get them open. I see familiar forest around me, that grave we opened and burned. There is no flames anymore.

That means I've been unconscious for too long.

Sam. I can't see him. So I turn my head, hoping that he sits there smiling at me, saying something girly like 'I knew you would wake up'.

But no.

Panic hits me when I see Sam laying there, clearly unconscious. Oh god. No, no, no.

"Sam", I say, lifting my head up. "Come on, wake up, buddy."

But Sam doesn't even flinch.

His face is turned to my direction, eyes closed and lips blue. His chest is still. _He _is still.

"No. No, no, no. Sammy, hold on, I'm coming", I tell him, sitting up.

World spins around me, and I almost fall, but I manage to stay sitting. Yeah, it's a concussion. Great.

There are few centimeters snow around us. I hate snow. It makes everything harder, it's cold, wet and.. cold. Too cold.

I push myself standing, even though it takes way too much energy. I just have to go to Sam, he is too still and too pale. His ankle is covered with blood.

There is a little pool of blood under his head.

_No. Come on, Sam._

__"Sammy, wake up, I need to see your eyes", I try. Sam always wakes up if I just talk to him long enough. Well... usually.

I remember this one time when Sam was hit in the head so hard he didn't wake up for two days. He was like... what, fifteen back then?

It had been the most horrible two days in my life. Dad had told me Sam was going to wake up, but still, he had laid on the bed, unconscious and pale. Nothing else.

_"Come on, Dean. You know Sam will wake up. His body just needs healing, that's all."  
"I know, dad! But it's been almost three days. Three! Didn't the thing just hit Sam into the wall? That shouldn't be too bad."_

__"Sam, come on. Wake up."

I started walking towards him. I take small steps, but it doesn't take long before I'm next to him.

I fall to my knees next to Sam. I place my hand on his neck, trying to find pulse.

But no.

My heart shatters into ashes. This can't be happening. Not really.

Somebody please wake me up, tell me this is just a dream. Because Sam can't be...

"No. No, no, no, no, no. Sam!"

I push my hand harder against his neck, hoping that I just missed his pulse. I want to feel his steady heartbeat under my fingers.

But I feel nothing.

Tear runs down my face. I quickly wipe it away.

"Sammy! Don't you dare to leave me here alone! I need you, little brother. I can't do this alone."

I could imagine Sam saying 'yes, you can', like he said couple months ago when we first met after two years, when I broke into his apartment in Stanford.

_"I can't do this alone."  
"Yes, you can."  
"Yeah, well, I don't want to."_

__Things hadn't changed. I didn't want to do this alone.

"Sam, please.." I sob. He can't be dead.  
"Come on, Sammy. Don't give up on me."

I place my hands on his chest, and I push. Thirty tries, nothing.

"Sam, please."

Still nothing.

"Don't you do this to me."

Silence.

"Sam", I say, voice breaking. I let my head fall down. I pull Sam closer me, hugging him tight. I have no idea what I should do.

Memory hits me.

_"Dean! Help me!" _

_Sam is thirteen. The Ghost has him pinned on the wall, making Sam's stomach bleed. There is so much blood._

_Dad is knocked out. I am struggling to get on my feet. Blood is dripping to the floor now, and Sam is passing out._

_"Sam! Get away from him you bastard!" seventeen- years old me yells.  
"I don't want to-" Sam cries out in pain. "-die! Dean, help!" _

__I close my eyes. Sam can't be dead. I can't believe it. It was just some stupid _ghost_.

"Sam", I sob, burying my face to his hair. "Come on, please.."

I have no idea how long we sat like that. But when I finally release him from my grip, he falls to the ground limp and pale.

I am closing my eyes again, not caring anymore. But I see something.

Letters on the snow.

Sam wrote something to the snow, I think. He wanted to tell me something.

I look at the letters. They are almost faded away because of the new snow, but I can still read it.

Five letters. One word.

Sorry.


End file.
